Apr 6, 2011

Old Problems

My wife calls on the phone and I answer it. Have you
received phone calls before, Tina? Do you know what
this is like? Well, then why don't you keep your
mouth shut for a change and let me explain. The phone
is this device that allows one human (or a group of humans)
to communicate with another human (or a group of humans).
You hold it against the side of your head. Imagine
that it's a banana and you put one end near your mouth
and the other end near your ear. When you speak, the other
person (who could be as close, say, as a near neighbor, or
as far away, say, as all the way around the earth), who is
also holding a "phone," can hear what you say and when
that person speaks you can hear it on your "end of the line,"
on your "phone." My wife calls and she's lonely so she's
calling me to say so. I respond to her with some sort of
reassuring statement, like, glad you called. This kind
of banter continues for a few minutes and then it's
over with, I'm back to being off the phone and back to
helping you with all your dumbfuck ideas. So cool it!
Just take a step back, relax and put the ABBA record down.